I am facing impeding doom! I do not know how my life is going to progress with all the bullshit that goes on in our world. I have been told I have amazing skills as far as english and reading are concerned and that I'm mildy brilliant. But guess what I don't even know if I should believe them because they also tell retarded kids that. I don't know where my life is headed. I've honestly thought of joining the military and just becoming someone/something else. Forget about the boys and fight for something other then being happy for myself. My dad was in the Air Force for 20 some odd years and everything was good then. Maybe if I get into the military and become something maybe then everything will eventually get better. Things have changed so much in the past 9 years. I have become so different from the irresponsible idiodic child that I used to be. I am now an almost 20 year old women who is dealing with the irresponisibilty of my earlier years. I am trying so hard to strive and succeed and be the woman I want to be. But it is so hard. I get tired and I get bored. I have a lot of emotional and physical things to overcome. A lot of things that I need to get over. I don't know if I'll ever be capible to be in a relationship and have a family or any of those things because of the way I am. I don't know what I want...well or I do but I don't want to do it yet because it is again irresponsible. I don't know what I'm saying even....pshhh...I don't know.

Maybe this blogging thing is bullshit no one reads it anyway.